So Many Things..

• I took this post off my site becuz it is well, honest and a little too soul bearing for me. I decided to repost becuz well, I think if I don’t post it I will remain in this writer’s block I have created .

I haven’t written in this blog for a while and when I have it has been sporadic at best. I have so many thoughts going through my head yet it is hard right now for me to consolidate or even vent. It is not like things are bad, there is just a lot going on up in my head space

From the impending election to personal experiences, it is hard to sit and write. I mean blogging can feel frivolous and pointless. I could vent about my opinion on this or that but who cares? I get in this mood a lot, especially after the babies were born. For a great deal of time after it was very hard for me to feel beyond the grief. I could not read magazines or books because what was the point? Movies or tv, ditto. I felt like these things were so simple and useless. I felt like a fake. I am not sure how to fully explain how I felt other than nothing had value outside of my marriage, my son, and my grief. And I am not sure that explanation even tells it correctly.

I kind of feel like this now. It is not depression or grief. Not that simple….. Just not sure what is real and what is not so real….and does it all matter? Indifferent does not even explain it. Just that there is way more to life than what is plastic reality right now. I don’t feel crazy or diluted…I wonder if this is how it all starts

I am happier than I have been in a long time. Things are good and I think will only get better. And that matters