Baby No More

My Peanut is a full fledged almost 5 year-old boy. No baby left in him at all and if you say there is he will simultaneously roll his eyes (I hate that!!) and do some kung fu move. He is all boy and ready to take on the world. He puts fake spiders in my shoes and laughs gleefully when I scream. Mr. Independant is all about doing everything by himself no matter how    l o n g    it takes. He thinks it would be and I quote, “So awesome if ants could shoot fire out their butts”.

Peanut is going to be a police officer for Halloween. Last year he was a fireman. Everyday heroes rock and I am going to enjoy probably the last Halloween that he will want to be something or someone that is not in a cartoon or a character that is advertised on underoos and gummy snacks.  

I am very sad that he is a baby no more. He will be my only baby that I get to raise since my uterus and surrounding organs are hostile and adoption eludes me for now. I am bitter that he did not have a normal babyhood and I did not have a normal pregnancy or early motherhood. I mourn that. A lot. I do not miss the reflux (Oh, the copious amounts of vomit and pain), the endless doctor and therapy appointments, and the mystery of the unknown effects of his way too early birth and him being so close to death. I do miss the closeness of holding him in my arms and snuggling his familiar scent knowing his sister was there too..somewhere.