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This has been a rough couple of weeks. Ear infection not going away and trying out yet another antibiotic. Hopefully that is getting better now. Add to that trying to convince and be a cheerleader to said child about why he has to wear an annoying and irritating heart monitor the whole day. He is handling it all really well considering but I know it is hard on him. Irritates his skin. Embarrasses him. Heavy too. Cords. I just feel bad for him. Like he hasn’t dealt with enough. Right? We are tired.
I am not sleeping well. Thinking about him and Leilani. Thinking about 6 years ago and what I could/should have done differently. I shouldn’t have played God. I should have insisted on certain things in the NICU. I shouldn’t have trusted people just because they have a degree that says they have knowledge. I am tired.
I am not throwing a pity party. I am tougher than that. Just venting.
I am looking forward to new traditions and new perspectives. I have so much to be thankful for and I know it. I am so blessed and it is tangible 
Of course you are tired, you have had a load (both you and Alan) with the concerns about Peanut and all the little man has gone through. The fabulous thing is that you have been raising a remarkable little man. Just think what it would have been if he had been a natural brat!! Love you all so much.
Mom W
I’m thinking about her and all that we could have done different too. But, there is nothing we can do different, so we have to be ok with that. It’s a strange paradox to wish you hadn’t sought out help to have the kids because of what happened, but then realizing that would mean we didn’t have Peanut. I struggle with that all the time, too… 
We do have a ton to be thankful for, you’re right. I’m thankful for you.
