I have been a strict vegetarian for a little of a year and a half now. I don’t eat eggs, but I do eat cheese and milk products on occasion. This time of year is my favorite becuase I have an excuse to bake. Not that I need one but the recipes are fun and the atmosphere seems to scream for time in the kitchen. My dilemna now is taking my tried and true recipes and attempting to make a tasty edible vegan version. To say the very least, this has not been easy.

My current mission is to try and make my pumpkin bread without eggs.  I thought I had a good chance but tasting the bread right now: it just does not have the right texture. I am replacing eggs with tofu and that seems to allow for a great rise but the flavor is bland and the texture is mushy. GROSS. I am not sure what to do to fix it. Other recipes that I have have found and tried make too dry of a bread and little rise.  I sure miss eggs in baking! They add so much flavor and texture; it is a shame that I do not own a crew of egg-laying hens! At least then I would know they are treated well and the males not killed. I digress

I will try and replace the water in my recipe with soy milk to see if that helps. Any ideas out there in cyberspace?

Things have been craziness here. We found tenants for our house within 2 days of posting it for rent (!!). I honestly thought it would take a month at least to find good ones or any ones at all. They want to be in by the 20th so this past weekend we moved out and into temporary housing. The week before I was trying to find a temporary place to live (which is harder than one would think) and busy packing like a mad woman trying to get everything ready. 4 bedroom house packed, moved, and stored in 5 days…yeah. I am absolutely exhausted. Yesterday I spent the day cleaning the rental, doing minor repairs, etc. The tenants should have the keys in hand by this weekend.

The really great news is the bank accepted our offer on the house we wanted. We should (fingers and toes crossed) close mid-December and be in our new place by Christmas. I am very excited but that is still a bit secondary to the whirlwind I felt I have been in the past week. This house we lived in last was the longest time I have spent in one residence my whole life. Military brat, divorced parents, disfunctional family. You do the math

I am ready and excited for change and I know this is a great step towards our future. I am tired and also certain I will never move again. It sucked. So bad. Must stop typing now my hands are shot

Should I be worried? Because everything to Peanut right now is a gun. And it is not ebbing People, it is just flowing! Rulers, hands, pieces of other bigger toys are magically (I say that very sarcastically) transformed into guns. And they all have names like, “And this one here is a shishunufel”. OK….

Seriously, should I be worried that I am raising a psycho? Gun fanatic? Psycho gun fanatic? Or a typical almost 5-year-old boy? I vote for the last one but is that cuz I am in denial?

This is this.

Midnite went to the vet again today. His blood sugar was quite low (in the 60’s) so we are to decrease the amount of insulin he gets and do a recheck in a month. He seems to be okay, not acting drunk or anything from too little blood sugar so that is good. Poor thing.

We are in the midst of trying to find another home to buy while keeping our current one and using it as rental property. We have found a few we liked and put in an offer on one but lost that bid. Today we found another home and just put an offer in. It is in a great neighborhood with good schools. Bonus: it has a pool and fireplace, too :). It is a bank owned property so we will prolly find out some time next week if we are the lucky ones or not. It would be a great investment and looks like it only needs minor repairs which include updating the appliances, ceiling fans, and carpet (like a burgundy right now…seriously!?).

Peanut and I went with his school yesterday to a farm and pumpkin patch. It was great as it was a sustainable organic farm. Even living here all of these years it is still very odd to me that in October it was 90+ degrees. Help me. Peanut had a tough time of it. He was covering his ears and screaming, “I quit! I quit! I quit!” because the noise level was too much. There was a baby fussing on the wagon ride to the patch and at lunch there were numerous people under one tent. You know, to stay out of the sun’s burning rays. Did I mention Help me?

One of Slack’s Titos is in the hospital on life support. He is there visiting family right now. I know it brings back harsh memories for him about his father. I feel bad that I cannot be there with him however I do not want Peanut to be exposed to the hospital for both the potentially physical reasons and obviously emotional ones that I do not think a 4-year-old should or could handle. I think we are going to dinner tonite at his other Titos house.

And that is that.

The Crystal Method is one of my all time fav dj/bands. Their albums are great and I especially love, Drive, the one they made for Nike that I listen to when working out. They have a great new remix of their very first single with Barrack Obama’s DNC speech. I think it is a great idea and it has rockin’ beats. I think it is a great way to get out the word to VOTE no matter who you choose.

Here is the link to the free download of the song:

http://www.thecrystalmethod.com/

My Peanut is a full fledged almost 5 year-old boy. No baby left in him at all and if you say there is he will simultaneously roll his eyes (I hate that!!) and do some kung fu move. He is all boy and ready to take on the world. He puts fake spiders in my shoes and laughs gleefully when I scream. Mr. Independant is all about doing everything by himself no matter how    l o n g    it takes. He thinks it would be and I quote, “So awesome if ants could shoot fire out their butts”.

Peanut is going to be a police officer for Halloween. Last year he was a fireman. Everyday heroes rock and I am going to enjoy probably the last Halloween that he will want to be something or someone that is not in a cartoon or a character that is advertised on underoos and gummy snacks.  

I am very sad that he is a baby no more. He will be my only baby that I get to raise since my uterus and surrounding organs are hostile and adoption eludes me for now. I am bitter that he did not have a normal babyhood and I did not have a normal pregnancy or early motherhood. I mourn that. A lot. I do not miss the reflux (Oh, the copious amounts of vomit and pain), the endless doctor and therapy appointments, and the mystery of the unknown effects of his way too early birth and him being so close to death. I do miss the closeness of holding him in my arms and snuggling his familiar scent knowing his sister was there too..somewhere.

…is biting my freakin nails. I know gross, huh? I have done it for years and I cannot stop. No self control whatsoever. What the HE-double hockey sticks is wrong with me? I guess, along with my need to control everything, I should be grateful I am not a pill-popping, 11-a.m.-martini-drinking agoraphobe. I am going to blame it on my parents

On the more positive side I have found glue-on nails to be awesome. Yeesh. But they do help me from biting and they make me feel prettier too. So there. ::sigh::

• I took this post off my site becuz it is well, honest and a little too soul bearing for me. I decided to repost becuz well, I think if I don’t post it I will remain in this writer’s block I have created .

I haven’t written in this blog for a while and when I have it has been sporadic at best. I have so many thoughts going through my head yet it is hard right now for me to consolidate or even vent. It is not like things are bad, there is just a lot going on up in my head space

From the impending election to personal experiences, it is hard to sit and write. I mean blogging can feel frivolous and pointless. I could vent about my opinion on this or that but who cares? I get in this mood a lot, especially after the babies were born. For a great deal of time after it was very hard for me to feel beyond the grief. I could not read magazines or books because what was the point? Movies or tv, ditto. I felt like these things were so simple and useless. I felt like a fake. I am not sure how to fully explain how I felt other than nothing had value outside of my marriage, my son, and my grief. And I am not sure that explanation even tells it correctly.

I kind of feel like this now. It is not depression or grief. Not that simple….. Just not sure what is real and what is not so real….and does it all matter? Indifferent does not even explain it. Just that there is way more to life than what is plastic reality right now. I don’t feel crazy or diluted…I wonder if this is how it all starts

I am happier than I have been in a long time. Things are good and I think will only get better. And that matters

Peanut is currently running around the house in his boxer briefs wearing sunglasses fighting an enemy apparently named Farty.

“Watch out Mama, he farts eggs!!”

“Bring it on Farty!!”

Just an FYI…..

Here is my first gum paste figurine, a high heel shoe cake topper:

 I suppose it turned out okay for my first time but I am not happy with it ::sigh::
I know I just need more practice and I have definitely learned a lot. I sound like I am 12 - LOL! I made the gum paste from scratch and I can see where it got too dry and cracked. I found great instructions and a template at www.cakecentral.com . I made this shoe for my mom’s birthday cake and it turns out the topper is too big for the cake-
I should have made a 9″ round instead of an 8″. Oh well, better luck next time!